hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
