yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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