what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize