Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
