Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
