Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
