get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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