I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
