OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
