i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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