So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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