it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize