"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
