Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
