Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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