I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
