sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize