then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
