Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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