I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize