So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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