I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
