I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
