I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
