glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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