I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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