How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
