First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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