wrigley field is MILF paradise
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
