remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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