I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did I show you my penis last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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