She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
