Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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