I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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