shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
