he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
