I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
