I hope mine doesn't look like that
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
