All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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