I puked a lego.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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