I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
