I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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