So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
