Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
