You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
