my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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