I accidentally had phone sex last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
did you just send me my own nude
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