is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
