I wish my penis had an off switch
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
