i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just googled if crying burns calories
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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