Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
