Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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