I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
