I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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