I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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