I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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