I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
