I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
