lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
