I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
