And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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