Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
