Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
