I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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