My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
