Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
