Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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