FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
