he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize