So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
