Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
