i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize