My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
