I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
