Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
