Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize