I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
