3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize