It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
