Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
