He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
